Entirely Too Perfect
by Whattheworlddoesn'tknow
Summary: Written for Spring Fling 2009! Hermione finds out that Harry's getting married. Good for him, right? Fluff! Disclaimer: the Harry Potter Universe does not belong to me- it would have ended very differently if it were mine. PLEASE Review! Please!
1. Marry Mary

Thanks to my betas! Written for Spring Fling 2009. It was written very quickly, and not really my best work, but I still like it :D.

Entirely too Perfect

Chapter One: Marry Mary

"I'm going to ask Mary," Harry said conspiratorially over the dinner table.

The change of subject - from Hermione's nasty boss to a marriage declaration - was so abrupt that it took her a second for the words to sink in. The familiar smells of the Three Broomsticks, which had never seemed to bother Hermione before, started making her nauseous. She thought vaguely that, judging by the sinking, greasy feeling in her stomach, it could have been something she ate.

"I'm going to ask Mary to marry me!" Harry couldn't see the humour in his exclamation; he was too ecstatic.

Ron certainly didn't miss it, and burst into a series of guffaws. "Mary- Marry!"

All Hermione could manage was a smile that felt weak and bitter, even to her. _What's wrong with me?_ She wondered.

"Hermione, listen to him. He's going to marry Mary!" Ron elbowed her in the side, causing her to lurch towards the end of the bench.

"Thanks, mate. I didn't catch that." Her sarcasm had a bit more bite than usual, and for once, Ron caught it. Harry, however, was barely paying attention, and started scribbling on his crumpled, dirty napkin with the quill Hermione wore to keep her hair up.

"Hey, 'Mione, you okay there?" Ron stared intently at her blanched face. "You look awful."

"Wow, you catch on fast, don't you?"

Ron's face was comical - he was no stranger to Hermione's sarcasm, but this raw rudeness was not one of her normal mannerisms. A rigorous shake of her bushy hair seemed to revive her normal good humour and clear her head, at least a bit.

"I'm sorry, Ron. I think I ate something earlier that didn't agree with me. Excuse me; I'm going to run to the loo."

As Hermione walked away, she heard Ron whisper to Harry, "It must be her period. We'd better leave her alone tonight." It was such a classic thing for Ron to say. If there was one thing he remembered besides the winner of the latest Quidditch match, it was that that he'd walked in on Hermione binging on Dairy Milk and watching Moulin Rouge just the week before. He'd blamed that incident on her menstrual cycle as well, and had actually been correct - she'd told him so, glaring at him menacingly through a mouthful of chocolate.

As it was, she was glad she wasn't on her period.

She had never appreciated the smell of alcohol, but as she walked past the bar not vomiting was harder than dealing with her nasty boss had ever been. She got to the bathroom just in time for some dry heaves, but luckily they passed soon enough. A woman in her forties, obviously enjoying a night out away from the kids, patted her back and told her not to worry. She'd get used to it.

_Not likely_, Hermione thought as she splashed her face with cold water.

She slid down the wall and sat for a moment in the loo to think things through. She knew Mary, but no more than she knew every other woman that Harry dated. Mary was probably the most beautiful woman that Harry had ever been interested in. She tried not to act like it, but she was well aware of her beauty and had worked out an expensive routine to maintain her good looks. She was nice, but she knew what she wanted and she always got it. Hermione didn't know much else about her, besides what Harry had told her.

After reluctantly leaving the bathroom, she slid back onto the bench and shivered; the wood had cooled while she was gone. All she could see was the cheerful chatter of happy hour on a Friday night, contrasting sharply to how she felt. The atmosphere had been so warm just a few moments ago, but it seemed so foreign now. It was surreal. Her whole life had changed but the world went on turning.

"All right there, Hermione?" Harry asked, peering at her face entirely too intently. "You still look a bit pale."

Ron snorted, "Of course she's fine." Hermione barely registered the typical comment in her weird state of mind. "So, how much was the ring? Or haven't you got it yet?"

"I'm going to get it tomorrow. I picked out this one with a pearl and two diamonds next to it."

_I've always wanted a pearl ring, _was Hermione's first thought, and she unconsciously jerked upright.

"But I don't know if she would want a pearl one. What do you think, 'Mione?"

It took a second for her to get her head out of the clouds and back into the conversation. "Oh, I think pearls are lovely." And she collapsed onto her bench once more, hoping the cool wood might reduce the hot blush on her cheeks. Instead she found a sticky tabletop.

"Ginny? Ginny, please be here!" Hermione called, picking herself up from her friend's hearth where the floo had unceremoniously dumped her. "Ginny, where are you?"

"Where's the fire? I'm right here." The redhead came out of her study in jogging bottoms and an old Quidditch hoodie. She held a quill and a folder of papers, now forgotten. "What's up?"

Hermione tried to take a few calming breaths, but they didn't seem to make any difference. She wondered if she was coming down with a fever. "Harry's doing it! He's going to actually ask her to marry him." She started to pace, as she always did when she was upset.

"You're kidding! Brill!" Ginny grinned.

"No, it isn't! He's mental! I can't believe he's doing it already. I mean, they've only been dating for six months! They can't know each other in six months!" Her voice rose, almost reaching a falsetto pitch.

"Well, it depends on the relationship. Why do you care so much anyway?" A devious smile crept onto her friend's face.

"I don't know! I think it's just that we won't be 'the golden trio' now." But as Hermione thought about it, she realized that she had never cared when Ron was engaged to his ex. She hadn't thought they'd fit together well, but it had made him happy…. So, why was she so frustrated with Harry's engagement? "Oh Merlin," Hermione flopped onto the couch with as much grace as a dead fish. "Ginny, why do I care so much? Oh, God." She curled up on the couch as if to protect herself from some outside force.

"I knew it! You _are_ in love with him!" Ginny's smile turned triumphant.

"Why does it have to be _him_? How could I not have known this?"

"Of course you didn't know. You never have." Ginny shook her head. "Remember Jake and Daniel? I'm your best girlfriend. I know more about you than you do. Anyway, it's always easier to notice things when you're only an observer."

The mention of her exes made Hermione think of her feelings for them. It sharply contrasted to what she felt now. Jake and Daniel had been like cheap perfume - they paled in comparison to Harry and left her feeling slightly nauseous.

"Oh, no. Oh, please, Merlin no!" She got up to head to the kitchen, where she intended to grab a glass of water and maybe a knife or two. "Ginny, what do I do?"

"'Mione! Calm down." Ginny pushed her onto the couch, conjuring her a glass of water. "Hyperventilating is not the answer."

"Well, hyperventilating at the pub was not really an option either, so I have to do it now." She began to feel faint, and that ridiculous voice in her head told her that of course she felt faint. She wasn't breathing. "Gin, what am I going to do?"

"Well, right now, we are calling Ernie right up, and we're going to one of his gay bars to take our minds off it all." She advanced on Hermione, but Hermione evaded her reach. She stopped only when she found herself backed against the wall.

"You're winding me up. It's eleven PM!"

"C'mon, let's get you into something proper."

Hermione and Ginny's ideas of proper were two very different matters, but Hermione didn't have the energy to fight. It was strange, but Hermione had the weird feeling that she was being dragged to her doom.

"I have a snazzy little number that'll suit you perfectly..."


	2. ACDC?

Sorry, Sorry Sorry Sorry sorry sorry! Real life has a way of getting to me sometimes. Here's chapter 2, and look over chapter one- I edited it :D.

Please Read and review!

Chapter 2: AC/DC?

"Now, don't you look fantastic?" Ernie twirled her around, letting out a whistle. "I've never seen so much skin on you, and let me tell you, it looks wonderful!" The pulsing music and swirling lights were doing nothing for her headache, so she downed whatever drink Ernie had shoved into her hands.

"Thanks, Ern. Is it always this loud?" This was definitely not where she wanted to be. She felt absolutely sick to her stomach, and the pop music was deafening.

"Yeah, but aren't the men just divine?" Ernie sighed, gazing at a couple of bronze gods a few feet away, jiving together. Now, that was one point she couldn't disagree with.

"Why are all the handsome ones gay?" Ginny pouted with her already full lips. "I swear it's ridiculous."

"Well, darling, some of the men here are AC/DC, you know." Ernie winked at her, and laughed when her face lit up.

"I think I'll go to the bar and get a few more drinks." Ginny slinked off with a slightly scary look on her face, her long, red hair swaying over the back of her satin green dress.

"I don't think we'll be seeing her anytime soon. Doesn't she look gorgeous? I wish I had that hair!" Ernie turned back to Hermione and watched as she downed another shot. "So, what's this the angel over there told me over the floo about man trouble? Anyone specific?"

Hermione couldn't seem to tear her eyes away from the line of empty glasses in front of her. Were they all hers? "Yeah. Ummm, did you hear that Harry's getting engaged?" She managed to glance at him through her eyelashes before returning to the glasses.

"Yeah, Ginny mentioned it. Sounds wicked!" Ernie's smile didn't last long, however. "Oh, no. Oh, honey, it's him, isn't it?"

Hermione suddenly needed to blink quite a lot, and instead focused on the heels that Ginny had forced her to wear.

When she didn't answer, Ernie sighed. "You poor dear. No wonder you're trying to drown your sorrows." He slipped his arm around her waist and led her to the bar where he promptly ordered shots for the both of them. "Why didn't you ever tell him about your feelings?"

"I didn't know myself! I always thought that we were just friends." She tried to gulp down the lump in her throat - a result of tears that were still threatening to spill. "I just thought that we were closer than Ron and I. Besides, even if I'd known, how could I have told him?" Her forehead made a thumping noise as it hit the bar. "I would never have been able to look at him again, once he turned me down!"

"Drink up, sweetie, and then I'm taking you home. You've had far too much." Ernie looked around for Ginny, and finally found her further down the bar, surrounded by men. "How does she get them so easily, even in a gay bar?" Ernie sulked. Meanwhile, Hermione started losing her ability to focus, and it took her a minute to decipher Ernie's mumble. "I'm going to tell Ginny the plan. Stay here."

"Of course!" She finished her drink in one swallow, and asked the bartender for another, wincing slightly at the sensation of drunkenness.

"You'd better watch yourself there. You've been drinking those faster than I can make them!" He had a charming smile, but his mannerisms were decidedly camp.

"You know," Hermione whispered over the bar, "he doesn't deserve me. He can marry that bloody Mary." She had thought that Ron was being inane only a few hours ago with his Mary joke, but now she couldn't seem to stop laughing. "Bloody Mary!"

The bartender didn't even try to cut in, and set her drink in front of her. She took a long gulp of her drink, and her inebriated curiosity made her ask, "What is this anyway? It's so yummy!"

"It's a Sex on a Beach."

If Harry marrying Mary was funny, that was riotous.

"Okay, it's time to go now, Hermione," Ernie said as he returned from talking to Ginny. Hermione frowned at him. "Thanks for taking care of her, Luke. Just put it on my tab, and I'll see you later."

"Wasn't he dishy?" Hermione giggled as she bumped into Ernie.

"Yes, Luke's a dear." When he had to stop Hermione from colliding with a rubbish bin for the third time, he couldn't help but mumble, "This is going to be a long walk."


	3. In which there are more difficulties

A/N: I'm updating a little early because the rest of the week will be CRAZY hectic. So, happy readings!

_I hate Ginny. I hate Ginny. I hate Ginny._

Hermione had never felt so awful in her entire life. Her head simply throbbed, and she couldn't even open her eyes because the lights were far too bright. Unfortunately, she had no Anti-Hangover potions on hand. She'd never needed them before.

As she stumbled into the kitchen, quickly closing the blinds, she noticed a little bottle on the counter. She slipped a piece of parchment out from under it, and proceeded to read. It took about three times longer to read it than it normally would, but she persevered anyway.

Hermione,

I took the liberty of looking in your cabinets. No hangover remedy? What are you, crazy? So, I went to my place and grabbed some for you. All you need is a sip.

I love you, darling, and if you ever want to do this again to take your mind off… well, things, just floo me!

Ernie

Hermione took a sip and waited for the potion to work.

_Excruciating Pain. Pain. Pain. Less Pain. Less Pain. No Pain._

Bless Ernie! She would think twice, however, before ever attempting that again. She tried to remember what had happened the night before, but it was all so hazy. She got started making breakfast, and took a look at the clock. 11:30! She'd slept half her Saturday away. _I hate you, Ginevra Weasley! _She contemplated going to Ginny's house, hiding the redhead's hangover remedy, and mercilessly waking her up with loud music and lots of sunlight. Just in time, however, she remembered Ernie's comment about the bisexuals at the Gay Bar, as well as the probability that Ginny had brought one home.

Halfway through her cereal, there was a knock at the door. She slipped her robe around her jimjams and opened the door for the person she wanted to see least of all.

"Harry." She was still under her guard. And oh, that face! He could ask her to move to Australia with him, and her only reply would be, 'When do we leave?'

"'Mione, what's up? You aren't still sick, are you?" Harry peered over her head and noticed the familiar bottle of hangover remedy. "Hermione! That's not from the butterbeer we had at the Three Broomsticks. Were you out drinking last night? No wonder you look a mess."

"I know, I know." She made her way back to the kitchen and collapsed into the nearest chair. When Harry nosily picked up Ernie's letter, she silently thanked God that Ernie was smart enough not to put anything incriminating in it.

"I can't believe it! You were hammered? You never drink! Ron'll laugh his head off when he hears about this," Harry chuckled. "What in the world got you to drink that much?"

"Ginny." That one word satisfied Harry's curiosity, and he couldn't help but chuckle again. His laugh was throaty and deep and incredibly sexy, and it definitely didn't help her concentration. "She convinced me to go to a gay bar with Ernie."

"Seriously? A gay bar? That must have been interesting." He sat down next to her, and stole a piece of her toast. "What did she do to convince you?"

"Let's just say I had no energy to say no." Hermione laid her head down on the table and looked up at Harry. "Why are you here, anyway?"

Harry ran his fingers through his hair, a sure sign of nervousness. Each of his quirks was endearing to her, and Hermione wondered how she hadn't realized before that she loved him. "I wanted to ask your opinion about tonight."

The contents of her weekly outing with Harry and Ron came flooding back to her, and suddenly she just couldn't sit still anymore. Standing up to clean her dishes, she asked, "Tonight?" She knew what it meant. How could she not? But, it was so much easier to pretend she didn't know than to say those evil words out loud.

"Remember? I told you last night. I'm going to propose to Mary."

Hermione was suddenly glad that her back was to him so he couldn't see her expression. Harry was quite dangerous in that regard; he could tell with a glance at her face how she felt.

"But, I need your help."

"My help? You'll do just fine, I'm sure." Hermione prayed that he wouldn't catch the tremor in her voice.

"'Mione, you're a girl. You can tell me what a girl would like." Harry turned around to look at her. "Why aren't you using a spell? I don't think I've ever seen you do dishes by hand."

"It's relaxing. Honestly, Harry, I don't think that I'm the one you should be asking about this." She lingered on the last plate, but one could only pretend to wash a sparkling clean plate so many times. "You know that I'm not savvy on things like this. Ginny would be a much better choice."

Harry scoffed before replying, "Hermione, don't be daft. Do you really think that I'm that blind? You've started wearing make-up, and while you don't care about stuff like that as much as most girls do, you're still a girl." He grabbed her before she could make it to the broom, and dragged her to the couch. "I got a reservation at Chef's Table, and I'm going to have the waiter put the ring on top of the dessert. What do you think?" A reservation at Chef's Table - it paid to be famous. It was impossible to get a reservation there unless you were Someone - or at least _with_ Someone.

"That sounds perfect, Harry." She pushed his arm off, and got up from the couch. "Mary will be thrilled, I'm sure." She started walking towards her bedroom.

"Wait, Hermione."

With her hand still on the handle, she turned around.

"I wanted you to come with me to pick flowers."

Panic ensued. "Harry, I'm tired and I have a lot to do. Besides that, Mary and I have very different tastes. I'm sure she would prefer that you picked them out." She turned back to the door and opened it.

"Please, Hermione."

She could see the puppy dog look on his face even when facing another direction. The wall that she had so carefully built to protect herself from him was slowly crumbling.

She continued into her bedroom, calling out, "Give me fifteen minutes." As she shut the door, she prayed that whatever she was getting into, she'd be able to find her way out without too much heartbreak.

A/N: P.S. I will be updating more often and faster if I get more reviews! There are tons of people who put this story on their alerts or their favorites, so all of you, PLEASE review! They are my food, and I can't get more out without food!


	4. Flowers, ice cream, and a surprise

Entirely Too Perfect

Chapter 4: In which there are flowers, ice cream, and a not-so-pleasant surprise

A/N Sorry for how long it's taken! Just want to clarify: When I said the more reviews, the faster I update, I only meant that I get so excited when I have new reviews that I want to update faster. I wasn't trying to hold it over your heads or something. Thanks for all the fantastic reviews!

"Hey, 'Mione, what about these?" Harry held up a bouquet of multi-colored flowers, and Hermione quickly put them back.

"Harry, you want something a little more elegant. Why are you so against traditional roses, anyways?" Hermione brushed her fingertips across the velvety red flowers. "Look, take some of these red roses, and add white calla lilies or even white gerberas. It'd be perfect!"

"Mary told me that roses are boring, and that if she wanted some, she'd buy them herself," Harry sighed. "That was the last time I bought her flowers. Now I don't know what to get her."

"Oh." It took Hermione a minute before she spotted what she was looking for. "What about these orchids? They're romantic enough."

"Perfect." He grabbed both her and the flowers and raced off to the cashier.

They deposited the flowers at the restaurant, and Hermione decided it was time to leave. The only problem was getting Harry to understand that she needed to. Of course she couldn't tell him why, but she'd had the hardest time being around him today. He would always make her laugh, and things would go splendidly for a while, but then she'd remember that he was Mary's. He was Mary's and would be for the rest of his life.

"No, Harry, really. I have to get back to my flat. I have so much to do before I go back to work on Monday. If I want to go to the Weasleys' tomorrow, I need to get it done today!" Hermione's five feet and five inches weren't much compared to Harry's six foot and two, but she knew how to hold her ground against him quite well.

That was before her world had fallen apart, however, and her stubborn hands-on-hips-and-chin-thrust-forward stance soon gave way against his smile.

As soon as he saw the first sign of her caving, he picked her up and threw her over his shoulder. "Harry!" Her shriek drew stares, but she continued to pound on his back. "Harry, put me down! I've got a skirt on, you tosser!"

"Guess what, Hermione!" Harry continued as though impervious to her fists on his back. "I've got the whole afternoon planned out for us. I'm kidnapping you the whole day."

"Harry, you devious little bugger! Put me down!"

"You know, Hermione, it's so adorable when you swear." Harry's deep chuckle surfaced again. "It's always a bit shocking, though. Now, I'm hungry, let's go find someplace to eat."

Hermione wondered what she'd done to deserve having her perfect man snatched from right under her nose.

"Hermione, are you there?"

Before Hermione even had a chance to answer, Ginny found her curled up on the couch eating ice cream straight from the carton.

"I know it's tough, hon, but ice cream isn't the answer."

"Quiet, woman! It makes me feel good." The words had barely come out before Hermione shoved another spoonful in.

Ginny got a spoon of her own and joined her. "Where were you all day? I came over twice earlier and no one was here."

"Harry kidnapped me. Cor, Gin, he's so wonderful. Do you know what we did today?" The ice cream really was becoming her best friend. "He took me to muggle London; we ate in a sweet little cafe, and went to a movie. Do you have any idea how long it's been since I've seen one of those in an actual cinema? Then, we went to a park and we just talked. It would have been perfect, except every few minutes I remembered he's proposing to Mary tonight."

"I'm sorry, Hermione." Ginny snuggled up to her on the couch.

"Gin? Will you stay here with me tonight? I don't really want to be alone." There was a moment's silence after Ginny mumbled an 'of course'. "Now, it's your turn. What happened to you after Ernie and I left? Well, after he forcibly removed me."

"Well, while I was at the bar, this bloke came up to me and asked me to dance. Merlin, Hermione, he was so fit, and well, one thing led to another, and ..."

"Hermione?" Ginny glanced at Hermione before looking at the door where the offending noise came from. "Who could that be?"

Hermione set her paper down and shrugged at Ginny's question.

"Mary?" Hermione asked, answering the door.

"Oh, Hermione, look!" A perfectly manicured hand with an equally perfect ring was suddenly shoved into her face. The platinum band twisted around a gorgeous pearl with diamonds and rubies framing either side of it - exactly what Hermione had always wanted. "I'm sure Harry already told you, but he asked me to marry him last night! Of course, we're taking the ring back. He was silly to think that I'd wanted a pearl ring, but it was sweet nonetheless. Oh, good, Ginny's here too!"

Mary, the exotic beauty, swept into the room and suddenly commanded all attention, just as she always did.

"I just couldn't wait to get everything started. So, I came over here right after I told my mum and sister." Mary twirled around, her black hair trailing after her, and fixed them with a stunning smile. "Do you know why?" she giggled prettily, before wrapping her arms around girls' shoulders. "Hermione, I want you to be my maid of honour, and Ginny, you'll be a bridesmaid!" Ginny and Hermione exchanged horrified looks, but Mary was too excited to notice. "We have to get started right away! If we're going to have the wedding in June, we won't have much time!"

Hermione could do nothing but plaster a smile on her face, and prepare herself for a torturous day of wedding preparations.


End file.
